Perfect Weekend for a Birthday and a Wedding

...or a wedding and a birthday, depending on how self-centered one chooses to be.

I entered my 29th year of life with a margarita in one hand and my too-handsome boyfriend on the other. We were celebrating the marriage of our dear friends (and new neighbors) Anne and Kevin. It was a proper New England affair, from the chowder to the chilly sea air and creaky floor boards of our colonial inn, and the festivities distracted me from the fact that I have now begun the last 12 months of the number 2 prefix in my age.


But back to the newlyweds...

World Savers Unite

It's a pretty lofty (self-congratulatory?) name for a conference, but the World Savers Congress, hosted by Conde Nast Traveler Magazine yesterday, underscored the point that the tourism industry has tremendous potential to effect positive social change. From green operations to promoting fair compensation and education for workers and their families - your next vacation, if you do your research, could have a huge impact on our planet.

Have you ever heard GCL get this preachy?

There were some great speakers at yesterday's conference - including Wyclef Jean who spoke lovingly and optimistically of his native Haiti, and Mandy Moore (I know, wtf, right?) who is now covering Sudan in mosquito nets with Five & Alive, an organization that aims to stem the deaths of children in the developing world from preventable diseases, including malaria. All of them touted the same message: the billions of dollars generated by tourism, as well as the immeasurable good will that's sparked in someone's heart when they go somewhere new and are given an opportunity to help preserve the site they've visited, are a formidable force against the trend of poverty, disease and even conflict.

I loved the example shared by the CEO of Gap Adventures, an adventure tour operator, who said that travelers who had been to Peru with his company raised over $100,000 in a matter of days back in 2007 when an earthquake hit the country. Then there was a sobering message from Accor Hotel group, which owns thousands of properties around the world, about the AIDS epidemic. The hotel is taking prostitution head on, providing condoms and information on safer sex in all of its rooms - it's aggressive, forward-thinking and much needed.

One point that was made yesterday and hit home with me was "if you don't go you don't know." I got to thinking about how lucky I had been as a child to go to places like Colombia and Venezuela to see what poverty looked like - to come away from those trips smarter, more grateful and more informed has had a profound impact on me. I remember meeting people who couldn't read and people who lived without running water - I lived among them for a while, at age ten, no less. My mom not the least bit worried about my safety, she just thought it was brilliant that I was seeing how good I had it back in the U.S. I would say those trips helped shape the way I see the world, and I'm all the better for it. I went, therefore I know.

On Juanes' "Peace Without Borders" Concert

I'm watching Univision's live webcast of Colombian singer Juanes' "Paz Sin Fronteras" (Peace W/Out Borders) concert in Havana and it's easy to forget, listening to acts like merenguera Olga Tañon singing about bad boys and dark-skinned hotties, that this is a major (x a million) event in Latin American politics. A free outdoor concert is a common occurrence anywhere in the world, but when the image of Che Guevara looms large in the background, the stakes are higher and everybody has to make their opinion heard.

More often than not, I find the Cuban exile community to be a little, um, militaristic and self-righteous. A lot of people in Miami are making a public spectacle of trashing Juanes' CDs and calling for a boycott of anything associated with the singer. And my response to that is really? Come on guys, we all know embargoes don't work. I'm no fan of Castro, but fifty years of towing the hardline of starving Cuba into democracy hasn't worked. Isn't it time to change our approach?

In the meantime, I do love The Simpsons rendering of Juanes as a Pied Piper of socialism.
Image: Adventures of the Coconut Caucus

I want to know where these exiles were when the U.S. was only too happy to play along with China's hosting of the 2008 Olympics? It was communism's greatest feat - having the world bow down before China, worshipping Chairman Mao's vision at the Bird's Nest stadium -- the whole world watched the opening ceremonies in awe and here we are, a year later, in debt to China, but anti-communist Cubans are in a nit over a concert. Como que les falta perspectiva, no? Perspective, people. Please.

Juanes lends a much-needed legitimacy to this latest attempt at dialogue with Cuba. As a Colombian, as someone who has seen the devastation that a socialist revolution can cause, as someone whose country is being threatened by a socialist agitator nation (that would be Venezuela), Juanes lends a spirit of compassion, understanding and forward-thinking that is sorely needed in this debate. If Juanes can extend an olive branch to Cuba, a country that is regarded by Colombia's leftist insurgents as a beacon of what government should look like, then maybe the U.S., which is not the least bit threatened by Cuba at this point, can cut the crap and help the country embrace democracy?

Well done, Juanes. And if Miami gets too hot for you, eff the haters and move to NYC.

Big Day for NY Dems and for GCL

Today's a big day for NY dems: it's primaries and everything from the district attorney's post to the party's nomination for Mayor are up for grabs. As for me, Im in a car hurdling toward JFK for a conflagration of client events. There are mayors, helicopters, nobility and pinstripes. And yes, reporters. I should be a free man by noon, but in the meantime, competing with Obama, the UN and these pesky elections has me sweating in my starched white shirt as I think about how to make these events matter to news outlets that purportedly have 24 hours of programming to fill. Doesn't NY1 care about my ensemble today?

Seeing as We Need More Out, Proud Latinos...

...I'm happy to stand beside Perez Hilton as a trash-talking, high-profile, gay Latino.

According to CNN, gay Latinos are coming of age - there aren't that many of us to talk about besides Perez Hilton, but we're out there. And while deeply seeded notions of masculinity and homophobia still exist in our community, our home countries are one step ahead of the U.S. when it comes to gay rights - "Uruguay, Colombia and Mexico have passed laws granting rights and protections to gays and lesbians."

I've always felt that the Latino community has a love/hate relationship with homosexuality. Yes, it's derided in the church, but popular culture - from daytime talk shows to our telenovelas and our literature, are all laden with strong gay characters. From cross-dressers to fashionistas (after all, Latin America's biggest export is beauty queens - who do you think gets those girls show-ready?), Latinos here in the U.S. and back in our home countries are not immune to things gay - and guess what? They love it.

Of course, I'm writing about how fun it is to be gay and Latino from the perspective of a college-educated man with a white-collar job. I've been fortunate enough to create a community for myself and live the life I want with the man I want, out of the closet and with as much denim and leather as I like. But I do remember how frightening it was to come out of the closet, how horribly embarassed I felt for myself and my parents to confirm the rumors that I was a "pato" - Puerto Rican slang for gay - an insult that first came my way from a kindergarten teacher who thought I was too swishy.

When I think about the role of the church in some Latino communities, I think it's a blessing and a curse for gay teens to be around pious people who make no qualms about condemning gays. I was lucky enough to take the best parts of my Christian upbringing to build a life for myself, but I can see how the same messages that empowered me can devastate someone, sap their will to forge ahead, and ultimately render them another sad statistic.

But this was supposed to be a happy post. I do think things are changing, for the better, for gay Latinos. We just need more of them out there...soooo, maybe I should get a show on CNN? Just axin'..

Are We Done Being Scared of Healthcare Reform Yet?

It all came down to a speech.

In forty-five minutes, President Obama made a clear and logical case for healthcare reform. I was sold on the new plan when the president said that this effort would cost $900 billion - less than the war in Iraq - and would be paid for with money that's already being spent on a flawed system. In short, everyone gets basic healthcare and then additional care, with controls to ensure that rates remain competitive and citizens don't go broke to pay for medical care. No death panels, no dipping into medicare or social security to pay for it, no adding to our deficit, no coverage for illegal immigrants (I have a problem with that last part but I'll talk about that in another post).

Twice he cited the efforts of his former opponent and senate colleague John McCain in the area of healthcare reform; he invoked the late Ted Kennedy, asking us all to look beyond party lines and address a fundamental flaw in our nation's character that allows our least fortunate citizens to die of preventable or treatable illnesses because they can't afford care. The president asked us to stop the same quibbling that stalled social security during the Roosevelt administration and medicare in the 60s. We're on the cusp of much-needed and rather painless change - why, he asked without asking, are we addressing rumors and lies when we have the resources to fix a problem that can eventually save us money? If the dying people angle doesn't move you how does a $4 trillion reduction to our deficit sound?

To some people, specifically the long-faced, immovable republican block who scowled throughout most of the president's address, healthcare reform smacks of socialism. To those people, I would say that healthcare is as much of a national security issue as the war in Iraq or Afghanistan. And it's an issue that does require government oversight - when the markets imploded last year (a year to the day, actually) it was the government that eventually had to sweep in with a bail-out that has spiraled from an initial $700 billion loan to something in the trillions. Why, then, can't we safeguard the idea that everyone deserves access to basic medical care and that insurance companies should compete for consumers' business?

The democrats have a small window of time to push this bill through the House and on to the Senate. Next year is an election year and there are some on-the-fence dems who fear losing the support of ther conservative base. The White House needs to help these lawmakers make the case to their constituents that this plan is what's best for them and the country. This could very well be the issue that shakes up the balance of power in both houses of government, as New York magazine's Michael Tomasky pointed out this week. I doubt that will happen, I remain optimistic about the future of this plan.

The Dems Haven't Sold Us on Healthcare

President Obama is taking to the airwaves tonight to make a case for healthcare reform. The question that looms large and isn't being talked about is this: Should taxpayers really have to pay for everyone else's healthcare?

It's a tough question but I wonder: if we already have Medicaid and people can sign up for programs like Health Plus, why do over 45 million people in America still go without access to basic medical care? And is the solution to this problem really government oversight? The same government that signed off on legislation that gave everyone with a dollar and a dream a home they couldn't afford now wants to control billions of dollars of taxpayer money to dictate which doctors we can go to. That doesn't sit well with me.

CNN posits a frightening scenario: "the Obama platform would mandate extremely full, expensive, and highly subsidized coverage -- including a lot of benefits people would never pay for with their own money -- but deliver it through a highly restrictive, HMO-style plan that will determine what care and tests you can and can't have. It's a revolution, all right, but in the wrong direction."

President Obama, in an opinion piece that ran in the New York Times last month, said his plan will give Americans "a choice of high-quality, affordable coverage for yourself and your family — coverage that will stay with you whether you move, change your job or lose your job...reform will provide every American with some basic consumer protections that will finally hold insurance companies accountable."

That sounds great, but at what cost? Are we all going to be lumped into the same category to pay for care and services we don't use? Our neighbors up north are happy with that arrangement - except when they're not - and other countries' similarly libertine health spending are breeding lazy dependants of the state.

These are the issues the Democrats have to address if they're going to sell Americans on healthcare reform. We have to position reform as cost-effective and break it down in dollars and cents so the average American can understand exactly how much this new system is going to cost. In the meantime, we're getting nothing but bogus and convincing figures from both sides of this debate.

Spare the Children from Obama's "Indoctrination" - We'll Pay for it Later

And now he wants to talk to the children.

Conservatives have been in a tizzy over the past few days because of President Obama's decision to address schoolchildren in a live, televised address today.

"Indoctrination!" "It's not the speech it's the subtext!" "Homeschool your children!" "I'm afraid for this country!"

These are the cries from the far right's minions who will come up with any excuse to thwart the Obama administration. And as the crowds grow ever more vociferous in their indignation and fear of big government (ahem, Patriot Act anyone?), I just want to put this thought out there: Fine, leave your kids at home, don't let them develop critical thinking skills, let's put out another generation of stupid kids who can't even tie their shoelaces unless mommy and daddy are hovering nearby. Wanna know what that kid is going to be like at 25? Popping out kid number 3, recovering from some form of addiction, and with a penchant for fire or firearms. Or both.

Some parents aren't sending their kids to school today, some parents want to be in the classroom to watch the President's address; some parents, if you ask me, shouldn't be parents in the first place. But that's for another blog post.

Here's a link to the much-ballyhooed speech direct from the White House (via Twitter!).

"[...]we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed. And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself."

As you can see, it's some pretty incendiary stuff. Especially the part about personal accountability and respecting adults.

What the right is really doing is re-directing our attention from the most pressing issues facing our country: job scarcity, the need for healthcare reform, two wars and the one-year anniversary of the implosion of our economic system. How does a simple, welcome-back-to-school-now-hit-the-books pep talk from our Commader in Chief rank against the mammoth agenda of repairing our nation?

The right should know when to pick its battles. On this issue, they've only made a mockery of themselves.

**Image: Leo Alberti via Michelle Malkin

Learn Somethin' From Those Kids on the Rachel Zoe Project

I'll admit it, I watch The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo. Not only because I support everything my other baby-daddy (and fellow BU alum) Andy Cohen does, but because I glean valuable career lessons from the show. Yes, I approach my job as a publicist just like Rachel does, with a swath of fur hanging over my shoulder (well, I will this fall/winter) and a venti latte in hand, thinking very hard about consumer engagement. While Rachel calls up designers to alter their confections, I turn trends into...headlines. But as obsessed as I am with Rachel and her catch-phrases (sadly, I have none except "please," "thank you," and "have you eaten")I also love watching the dynamic between her two assistants, Brad and Taylor. These three characters represent the trinity that I think exists in any creative/professional environment - it's a union that's fraught with tension and angst, but ultimately, if everyone knows and embraces their role, can be quite fulfilling for all parties. Sadly, Taylor hasn't gotten the memo and that's probably why she'll soon be fetching coffee for Brad, her whiny and tear-prone underling (with a devastating proclivity for oversized bow-ties).

Brad, like many gay men, is only too happy to swaddle his boss in attention and praise. Whereas Taylor wields her superior skill over everyone, including her boss Rachel, Brad just tosses on a pom-pom hat and makes Rachel laugh. He cares about his boss, whereas Taylor sees her as a stepping stone. In the trinity of creative pursuits, there's the scatter-brained ringleader (Rachel), the know-it all martyr (Taylor) and the smart but more importantly likable heart of the operation (Brad). Though I don't cry at work, I empathize with Brad because I, too, have a heart. And that's what I bring to work - before I deliver bad news or assail my boss with a litany of boring client updates and my own personal demands I make sure the big cheese has a coffee and biscuit in hand.

Is this a gay trait or a human flaw? I don't know, but I definitely see it as a competitive advantage in an increasingly topsy-turvey career landscape. What I'm trying to say, kids, is that those rumors about the gays taking over the world are quite true. And they're not doing it with huffing, puffing and sass, they're doing it with charm. Learrrn somethin', Taylor.

Showtunes and Ambition

Last night my friends and I were celebrating the end of another manic Monday - it's not an unusual occurrence except for the fact that our employer has moved us down to oh-so-cool Tribeca, forcing us to leave Times Square, and the proximity of gay hotspots in Chelsea and Hell's Kitchen, behind. In the dark of the downtown night, we meandered uptown, past quaint but not gay, bars and restaurants. Where could we go in our skinny ties and pocket-squares to talk about ourselves, how smart we are and, most importantly, look at boys? Stay with me folks, there's a point to this post.

They say you learn something new every day. Last night, I learned that I better get my act together lest I wind up having to cozy up to octagenarian johns at a piano bar off Christopher Street to pay my rent (and let's face it, I'm pushing 30, who's gonna want this in a few years?). While Greenwich Village may be the historic center of gay life, it's also a modern-day hovel. Walking into the fabled Stonewall Inn on a lark, we were overwhelmed by the stench of history (?) or a smoking, but empty, hot dog roaster. Across the street at the Monster the crowd by the piano was merry, but a bit sad in my eyes. I wondered, will I too, one day after 30, be sitting at a piano singing "pa-pa, pa-pa-razziii" while some 19-year-old reaches for my wallet?

These are the questions one ponders as they near the end of their twenties. But, as I've said time and time again, I am a man of faith and I fully expect great things in life. So, yes, maybe one day I will have James tickle the ivories to play my favorite gay tracks, perhaps It's Not Right but it's OK in b-flat or something, but it'll be in my own home, perhaps overlooking Park Avenue or a bevvy of muscle marys in Rio, but I'll be just fine.

Ted Kennedy's Search for Redemption: Mission Accomplished

Over the past week we've heard a great deal about Ted Kennedy's accomplishments as an elder statesman, an unexpected patriarch, and an adventurer. What has struck me most about Ted Kennedy's life, which has played out in the periphery of all Americans' lives, even those disinterested in politics, is his search for redemption. It is, what I believe, inspired the Senator's unique brand of liberalism.

This past weekend the Kennedy family revealed that the ailing Senator had sent Pope Benedict XVI a letter asking for the pontiff's prayers as he battled the cancer that ultimately killed him. The senator wrote: "I am writing with deep humility to ask that you pray for me as my own health declines [...] I have done my best to champion the rights of the poor and open doors of economic opportunity. I’ve worked to welcome the immigrant, to fight discrimination and expand access to health-care and education. I have opposed the death penalty and fought to end war. Though I’ve fallen short through human failings, I’ve never failed to believe and respect the fundamental teaching of my faith.”

In that letter, Kennedy lays bare what it really means to be a liberal. At least for me. His acknowledgement of his own human flaws and his belief in the attainability of God's forgiveness through good works is inspiring. As a gay man of faith, I can't tell you how many times I've had a similar dialogue in my head and in prayer: I know I'm imperfect, but I believe in God, I try to do what's right by family and fellow man, etc. Ted Kennedy used the name and privilege that happened to him by chance and used it to spend his life championing human rights. Yes, mistakes were made along the way, but I expect that not a day went by when that man didn't try to make up for these.

To the gay community, Ted Kennedy was more than an ally. He was someone who saw the blatant wrongness in a system that robs any American of their basic rights and he was able to bridge the gap of faith, politics and public opinion to cry foul and demand change. For that he is to be honored, and today, as a new workweek begins, I implore our representatives to pause and reflect on his example and focus on the business of fixing our system.

Guns at the Town Hall: Healthcare Protestors Crossing a Dangerous Line

Let's call the fringe element on the right that is hosting tea parties and disrupting town hall meetings on healthcare what they really are: a lynch mob. Healthcare and wasteful spending be damned, these nut jobs want to string our black President up a tree. And they'll think of any reason to undo the results of last November's election.

The healthcare debate has everyone in a tizzy and many questions remain unanswered or half-answered by un-truths. Everyone I know is confused about why Obama's plan would or would not work. But one thing remains clear: some folks on the right want an all out war with the President, and they're showing up to their demonstrations with guns slung over their shoulders. Second Amendment my foot, these people think America has forgotten how the Klan used to intimidate people of color simply by showing up outside their churches and other gathering spots with guns. We all know the message these people are sending Americans: let us handle the Negro.

Am I playing the race card too soon? Am I over-reacting? Am I ignoring the fact that there are people who are rightfully angry about wasteful spending?

No, no, and no.

Where the hell were these fiscal conservatives when George Bush kept asking for hundreds of billions of dollars for the war in Iraq? Why do these people love that our government spends billions, if not trillions, on war but when the issue of healthcare comes up everyone wants to grab an abacus and make sure no one's precious tax dollars are spent on penicillin for kids or proper nursing for the elderly?

There are some people in life that one will never win over. President Obama will never win over the far right and that's fine. And while it's up to all of us to inform ourselves on the intricacies of the healthcare debate, this issue now takes a back seat to the fact that the President's safety is in danger. Many of us who voted for President Obama have feared for his life and this new trend of showing up armed to supposedly peaceful gatherings is setting a dangerous precedent. I say turn the hose on these loons and set their houses on fire. Or, remain vigilant - I hope the White House is keeping close tabs on these people. For everyone's sake.

Leaving This Town Before I Do or Say Something Stupid

Sigh. I can't hide it from you, dear readers: yours truly is tired. Tired of trying, of playing nice and being all sorts of eager and ambitious. Hello, Gap Inc, it's me, David, are you hiring? I still know how to fold T-shirts from my days at Banana Republic. I've hit a wall and before I say or do things that can't be taken back, I'm going to take a break. Yes, kids, I'm going on vacation.

So what's on the agenda for my time away from things public relations? Milling about town catching up with friends over boozey lunches and a trip to New Orleans with my parents. I'm gonna live, y'all - wooo!!

And I'm going to re-connect with my blog in the most controversial and button-pushing of ways. I have completely neglected the healthcare debate and I haven't said boo about California gay rights groups' decision to push a referendum on gay marriage on hold until until 2012.

I should think about my time-off as just that: time-off to recharge and come up with smart posts (and outfits, see left); but a part of me feels like I'm starting a new chapter in my life - perhaps the life of an opinionated gay male pushing 30 who has a blog...there's something the world has never seen!!

Wherever I'm headed, I'm headed there with my head screwed on tight and in a fabulous ensemble. It's summer, y'all - finally! So let's raise a glass (a marita if you're me), show some skin and have fun. I certainly plan to do so.

Note: Day 1 of living found me with Hunt and Peck (aka James) down in Chinatown having dim sum. As I said on Twitter, it's a charming concept - having surly, English-challenged people pushing carts of chicken feet and other treats before you while you sit with strangers slirping on God-knows-what - but I don't like getting pushed and yelled at by anyone, let alone people who handle my food. Still, Chinatown is a fitting backdrop for where I am right now in life. Trying to make sense of things, I find myself saying "Forget it, GCL. It’s Chinatown."

Let's Talk About Me and My Five Year Anniversary

If I were any sort of mature adult, I probably would have titled this post "Let's Talk About James and Me and Our Five Year Anniversary," but at this point in our relationship, neither Mr. James nor I expect any sort of mature behavior from me. If anything, said self-absorption and disregard for James and his wants have kept our relationship alive - keep homey wanting more - I always say.

:-)

Not.

This past weekend James and I celebrated our five year anniversary. No one is more shocked, and thrilled, about this milestone than yours truly. Over the past five years, homey and I have weathered three joint-family vacations, exchanged rings, changed jobs, painted our apartment with splashes of gold, and fixed the hinges on our murphy bed so as to avoid a future head-splitting adventure like the one we had a few Thanksgivings ago. It's the little, life-prolonging things, that have made our relationship work.

I could go on and on about all the wonderful things my boyfriend does for me, and you'd probably roll your eyes and think "I guess GCL still hasn't figured out what the Health Care bill is about so he's stalling and writing about his relationship." And you'd be right.

But I have good reason to step off my soapbox for a minute to give my man a shout-out. James has made me a better person and he's given me a happiness I never thought I deserved. He's also exceedingly patient. If some of you can't stomach a couple of posts from me every week think about what it's like to live with me when I'm "brainstorming" topics for this blog and just spouting my opinions out loud. Now you see why he's so special.

Baby, you're the greatest.

*This picture pretty much summarizes why I'm lucky to have James. Who else would look at me so lovingly while I shovel cake down my mouth?

American Psychological Association Rejects Gay-to-Straight Therapy

From the NY Times, USA Today, CNN and pretty much every other news outlet this morning: "The American Psychological Association declared Wednesday that mental health professionals should not tell gay clients they can become straight through therapy or other treatments." However, the association also acknowledges that some individuals may choose their faith over their sexuality - says the Wall Street Journal: "According to new APA guidelines, the therapist must make clear that homosexuality doesn't signal a mental or emotional disorder. The counselor must advise clients that gay men and women can lead happy and healthy lives, and emphasize that there is no evidence therapy can change sexual orientation."

It seems like a well-balanced and compassionate compromise for an issue that can be a non-issue for some, and a matter of life or death for others. For that reason, I think that we should add yet another group under the LGBTQ umbrella: IA, or, In-Absentia. These people, who choose to not be in our community, still matter - they're dealing with the same issues all gay men and women grapple with and have made their own choice about how to live their lives. Their decision is no less authentic or courageous than someone who decides to come out at, say, 16. As a dear friend recently told me, everyone has the right to come out in their own time, if they want to at all.

My own experience with this sort of religious angst found me stuttering through an "I'm gay" declaration that went more like "I'm confused...I think I like...well, I don't think I want to be with a woman...well, actually..." I was 20 and sought the guidance of two elders in my Jehovah's Witness congregation in Boston. It was, in the end, a very pleasant chat and there was no dousing of the fag in holy water (mostly because Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in Holy Water) nor was there an exorcism. We simply read from the Bible and I was given the choice the APA is putting forth now: I could learn to build a life around my sexual orientation and use the challenge as a way to draw closer to God, or I could see what else was out there.

It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. The more I think about it, I never minded being gay, I just hated what I thought I was doing to my relationship with God. When I left my congregation (it was a Sunday morning in the summer and I was about to leave my house when I just decided to turn around, take my suit and tie off, and go to back to bed) I felt the pangs that come with the disruption of a routine - a 20 year routine for me - and within weeks I was consoling people from my congregation who were asking me to come back. It's a loss that I still grapple with - I had to decide whether to stay within the cushy comforts of kind, God-fearing (yes, a little judgemental, too, but aren't we all?) and macaroni-salad eating people, or venture out into, well, what my life has become (quite boring, five years on with James this week...holla!)

My point is that I was given a choice. And I made my choice which I am very happy with. But I also understand how incredibly hard it is to make a decision that pits someone against God, their family and their community. It's a process that never really has an end for people of faith - you're always going to try to make right with God as you understand him - but it's a process that I think everyone has the right to work through on their own terms. I applaud the APA's new guidelines on this issue and I hope it relieves some of the pressure that many gays in-absentia are dealing with.

The Worst of Times for Latinos? Two Stories

In an interview with NPR's "Latino USA," author Sandra Cisneros ("The House on Mango Street")lamented that right now is the worst time in history for Latinos in the U.S. Deportations, the fence along the U.S.-Mexico border, and crippling poverty for many in our community, are the evidence she uses to paint a bleak portrait of the Latino experience in this country. And while I've written about some of these things, specifically the uptick in violence against immigrants and the inflamatory rhetoric of the anti-immigration movement, her comments shook me up. They made me feel like the uppity, self-made and self-righteous villain in a Tyler Perry movie. I realized, listening to Cisernos' interview on my iPhone at the gym, that I have deliberately distanced myself from the issues of the 'hood I grew up in and I have made every attempt in my life to never go back there.

But my parents - whom I love dearly and whom I'm lucky to have a wonderful relationship with - are still there. And they probably won't ever leave. So they'll keep it real with me and they'll tell me about the things that are going on around them in el barrio. In between our conversations about the trips they're going on and where they'll meet James and me for dinner, there are real, true and disturbing stories about people who can't get their act together or who simply were never given a chance to do right by themselves. My mom is on the front lines of this divide - she works in the public school system, making sure kids are fed and that they have somewhere safe to go to until 6 when most of their parents can pick them up from work. She sees parents younger than me picking up 10 year-olds, she talks to teenage mothers who are raising their kids out of shelters, and she consoles children who are missing a parent. But sometimes there are problems that can't be hugged away or laughed and talked about in Spanish in the schoolyard. For many Latinos it is indeed the worst of times, as Sandra Cisneros said. Here's one such story.

On July 17, Yorceli Flores,a 26-year-old immigrant from Puebla, Mexico, was stabbed to death in her apartment in Sunset Park. She was pregnant, and left behind two boys, aged two and six. One week later, her 22-year-old boyfriend - who claimed to have found her body - was arrested and charged with murder. The children, with no father, are now in the foster care system.

Yorceli's oldest son spent a year in my mother's classroom at the after-school program at P.S. 24. She didn't form much of a bond with his mother, who had obtained a restraining order against the boy's stepfather - who has since been deported - and then took up with a younger guy who would ultimately kill her. The alleged killer had come on numerous occasions to pick the boy up from my mom's program - even while the boy's stepfather would come in and ask my mom and her colleagues for help, saying that the kids were not safe in their home. My mom spoke up about this, but ultimately, there wasn't much the school system could do for the kids.

So you have the perfect storm of domestic violence, broken families, dubious immigration status and all-around hard living here. Was Yorceli's death avoidable? Did her kids really have to suffer as they did in the months leading up to their mother's death - there are claims that the children were underfed and lived in a cramped apartment with other families - was there anything that the victim could have done for herself and her kids to avoid all of this? And while Yorceli was being sentenced to death and her alleged killer was making small talk with my mom, I was across the river, sipping cocktails and toasting life.

The victim was two years younger than me but, as we say in Spanish, had done a lot more living. She probably came to my neighborhood long after I had left, seeking opportunity that I never thought existed there. And our common denominator is my mom - always eager to help, always uber-involved, always unnervingly task-driven. I wonder if these two women had formed a relationship if Yorceli's life would have turned out differently - I don't underestimate my mom's power of persuasion.

Where Yorceli's story and mine begin and end, in the place I grew up but always wanted to leave, the divide between esos Latinos who are making it and those who are scraping by isn't really that wide. It's a fact that gnaws at me and questions everything I thought was good and fair about a system that has worked for me.

Had Henry Louis Gates Jr Acted Like a Gentleman, We Wouldn't be in this Mess

We're halfway through the summer of 2009 and thus far, the top news stories of the season have been the Iranian elections, Michael Jackson's death, and the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. by a crooked, racist police force in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

That last story is an issue of national obsession - perfectly timed with the second installment of CNN's pandering "Black in America" series, as it seems the media is hell bent on reminding blacks and other people of color that we still have a noose around our necks. And that point couldn't be more perfectly illustrated than the visual of a slight, older and bespectacled African American male handcuffed at the entrance to his own home.

So here's the story: On July 16 Professor Gates was trying to enter his front door, had trouble with the lock, then asked the driver of his cab to help him, they pushed in the door, all while a neighbor close by saw the action and thought there was a robbery in progress.

Cops were dispatched, Gates refused to cooperate, responding to the authorities who asked to speak to him "I'll speak with your mama outside." And soon enough the man was in handcuffs.

In the meantime, the 911 caller has had to step into the fray to say that at no time did she insinuate that the men at Gates' home were black.

Today, Gates and the cop who arrested him will have beer with President Obama to talk candidly about race.
***

And that's where you lose me. I understand that law enforcement hasn't always been fair with people of color - I'll admit: I'm not a fan of cops and I generally distrust them - but in the few instances when I've been confronted by them, I tend to cooperate, as I think that if you have nothing to hide you might as well bite the bullet and let the cops do what they must (these instances have involved my alleged speeding through Cape Cod or the backroads of New Jersey). But Gates was apparently belligerent from the start - and yeah, it's annoying that the cops show up at your house for no reason, but a neighbor did see someone from afar busting in a door - this could all have been resolved in under ten minutes. But Gates, as we say in Spanish, "se puso guapo," which means he got cocky, and the cops had to show the man who was boss.

Really, this whole situation is Gates' fault. As a pre-eminent scholar on issues black, he ought to be ashamed of himself for causing all of this trouble - for not setting a proper example on how educated and accomplished people of color should deal with unwanted attention from the cops. Had he simply shown the cops his ID and explained his situation - had he been a gentleman about the whole thing - none of this would have happened. And I resent this weak and unnecessary debate on race because it propagates the thinking in disadvantaged communities of color that the cops and the white man are ultimately out to get them. People of color don't need to hear this, kids in the projects don't need any more ammunition against the cops - this whole issue only exacerbates tensions that exist between minorities and the police. We now find the debate on race muddled by the stubborn and impertinent actions of someone who, ok I'll say it - is probably an uppity negro. Gates gets to have beer with the President tonight while some cocky teenager is going to mouth off at the cops and will likely get tazed or shot. Nice going, Professor.

Weekend with 10 ladies? Shore.

I'm one of those gays that loves the ladies. Yours truly has always traveled five or ten deep with girls of all stripes, immersed in petty drama, awash in cocktails, bloated with late night (or mid-day) junk food. This weekend was no different.

One of my fav chicas is jumping the broom in September and to celebrate the passage from Miss to Missus, I joined 9 girls for a weekend on the Jersey shore.For a split second I had a pang of testosterone-induced angst, "Why am I the only guy invited to this? Do they think I'm one of the girls just because I'm gay? Is a weekend of champagne and penis talk too much even for me?" The answers came quickly when I saw the girls at Penn Station: I love a good time; yes; kinda.

After a sticky two-hour train ride down to the lovely seaside town of Sea Girt - sticky 'cause the penis straws agitated the contents of our mini champagne bottles and we were drenched within two minutes of pulling out of the station - we wound up at my friend's soon-to-be-inlaws' beach house. Ah, the mint-and-honey-infused cocktails we received upon arrival, the chairs decorated with aprons, the obligatory veil for the bride...I passed out within three hours. The next day, we were scolded by some beefy (read: yummy, totally my speed) beach cops who asked us to put away our plastic phallus. The rest of the weekend was, as they say, maxi-dresses, chicken salad, beer, and history.

On the way back to New York, sitting next to stupid James who had come to fetch me long after the ladies had left the Shore (last man standing, holla!) I got to thinking: thank GOD the gays can't get married. I cringe at the thought of the spectacle that some queens would put me through if they were encouraged to partake of the rituals surrounding traditional marriage. The parties, the Martha Stewart clippings, the cocktails, the penis-talk...argh, wait a minute...being gay is like one long bachelorette party. So I guess the ladies needed a pro to oversee the festivities.

Now I get why I was invited. Thanks, C-Face.

One More Thing re: Sotomayor: It's Not About Bringing Down Whitey

By now we can all agree that Sonia Sotomayor aced the senate confirmation hearings, accepting high praise from the likes of Senator Diane Feinstein (D-CA) and roiling Republicans like Senator Lindsey Graham, who is still in a nit over the Supreme Court nominee's "wise Latina" comments. Congratulations are in order, and yes, so is some celebration over the appointment of an unexpected (read: minority) though exceptionally qualified candidate to our nation's highest court. But, on behalf of Latinos and other minorities who are making it in the professional world, I just want to say that our mission is not to bring down the white man - regardless of Maureen Dowd or Frank Rich's misguided cheerleading.

Both New York Times writers have underscored the point that with President Obama's ascent to power and now Sotomayor's appointment to the Supreme Court, whitey is losing his grip on power.I don't see it that way, and I'm sure Sonia Sotomayor doesn't either. Did some of the senators in last week's hearings reveal astounding ignorance and insensitivity? You bet - especially one Tom Coburn (R-OK) who will go down in history as the guy who told the Supreme Court nominee "you'll have lots of 'splaining to do." I WISH someone would say that to me in a conference room, but that's another story.

Still, I would argue that the white liberal cheerleaders grandstanding on Sotomayor's nomination aren't doing much of a service to upwardly mobile people of color. It's condescending - though in a much different way than referencing Ricky Ricardo - because it smacks of "it's up to us white, enlightened folks to help out these blacks and latinos" thinking. In fact, these folks are antagonizing racial tensions that educated people of color have to suppress for fear of that proverbial "chip on the shoulder," or for playing the race card when things don't go our way.

As a Latino I couldn't be more thrilled by Sotomayor's nomination and her stellar performance in front of the Senate last week. She makes me proud! But I would respectfully ask that the celebration over a historic nomination tread a careful line that acknowledges the changing complexion of power in this country without making it seem like we're emerging from Apartheid. Not only is that an unfair statement about our country's system, but it reinforces stigmas that people of color have had to overcome in order to hold their own in the board room or in Ivy League campuses across the country - let's get the chip, and that dirt, off our shoulders please.

CNN Commentator: Gays are Mostly Petulant White People

ESPN reporter and CNN commentator LZ Granderson is putting the smack down on uppity white gays who are leading the chorus of disappointment over Obama's turtle pace on gay issues. To call gay the new black is offensive and underscores the disconnect between a truly disenfranchised people and a bunch of Lady Gaga-listening white people who act like "a petulant child throwing a tantrum because he wants to eat his dessert before dinner." Blacks, says Granderson, have had it tough way longer than the gays have ("Miley Cyrus is older that DODT") and they are loving their new black President. It's justice served and all you gays need to love the moment and stop complaining.

Still, Granderson isn't attacking the gay rights movement, he's putting gay white culture - that which most of America sees - on blast. He speaks like an outsider, conflicted over the sting of not fitting in yet not wanting to belong anyway. Case in point: he's happy to accept the praise of organizations like GLAAD, who gave him an award for journalism this year at a $500 a person fundraiser in New York (I was there) but you know, he still wants to be down.

I can understand his frustration, and I can understand that being gay, educated and a person of color does pose a lot of challenges for men of color who are expected to be a certain way, namely not gay and educated.

But the rights gay people want transcend color, and the gay community has every right to express its disappointment with President Obama. The longer he takes to enact fair policy and give gay people the rights they deserve, the more credence he lends to conservative arguments against gays. And this community has been on his side, putting all of its resources behind him to help put him in the White House. As for the petulant child comment - that's just ignorant. A gay person of color should have a greater impetus to effect change and blunt the blow of exclusionary politics than anyone.

Granderson's comments are a distraction and speak more to his internal turmoil than to any latent racism within the gay community. There's room for everyone under that rainbow flag, but we can't sit idly by and let elected officials pander to us on the campaign trail only to denigrate us once they're in power.