Monday, July 27, 2009

Weekend with 10 ladies? Shore.

I'm one of those gays that loves the ladies. Yours truly has always traveled five or ten deep with girls of all stripes, immersed in petty drama, awash in cocktails, bloated with late night (or mid-day) junk food. This weekend was no different.

One of my fav chicas is jumping the broom in September and to celebrate the passage from Miss to Missus, I joined 9 girls for a weekend on the Jersey shore.For a split second I had a pang of testosterone-induced angst, "Why am I the only guy invited to this? Do they think I'm one of the girls just because I'm gay? Is a weekend of champagne and penis talk too much even for me?" The answers came quickly when I saw the girls at Penn Station: I love a good time; yes; kinda.

After a sticky two-hour train ride down to the lovely seaside town of Sea Girt - sticky 'cause the penis straws agitated the contents of our mini champagne bottles and we were drenched within two minutes of pulling out of the station - we wound up at my friend's soon-to-be-inlaws' beach house. Ah, the mint-and-honey-infused cocktails we received upon arrival, the chairs decorated with aprons, the obligatory veil for the bride...I passed out within three hours. The next day, we were scolded by some beefy (read: yummy, totally my speed) beach cops who asked us to put away our plastic phallus. The rest of the weekend was, as they say, maxi-dresses, chicken salad, beer, and history.

On the way back to New York, sitting next to stupid James who had come to fetch me long after the ladies had left the Shore (last man standing, holla!) I got to thinking: thank GOD the gays can't get married. I cringe at the thought of the spectacle that some queens would put me through if they were encouraged to partake of the rituals surrounding traditional marriage. The parties, the Martha Stewart clippings, the cocktails, the penis-talk...argh, wait a minute...being gay is like one long bachelorette party. So I guess the ladies needed a pro to oversee the festivities.

Now I get why I was invited. Thanks, C-Face.


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