What Would Harvey Milk Have Thought About Hugo Chavez?

I love Sean Penn the actor. And I would love nothing more than to see Milk, Gus Van Sant's new biopic about Harvey Milk, the first openly-gay elected official who was gunned down by a fellow politico in San Francisco in 1978.

But Sean Penn's support of Hugo Chavez disgusts me, and for that, I refuse to support his film.

Let's put aside the fact that Hugo Chavez's socialist revolution would leave Sean Penn and other limousine liberals like Kevin Spacey and Danny Glover and Naomi Campbell penniless, or the fact that Hugo Chavez has made it his life's mission to undermine democracy, or the fact that Hugo Chavez actively supports the FARC rebels in Colombia - you know, the terrorist, drug-smuggling group that still has 700 hostages and held a few Americans hostage for nearly six years - let's put all of this aside for a moment and focus on Chavez's alliance with Mahmud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran.

What would Harvey Milk have thought about a man who is BFF with a terrorist whose government persecutes and kills gays? What would Harvey Milk have thought about a man whose mentor is Fidel Castro, a dictator who sent gays to concentration camps?

When Hollywood celebs get on their soapbox to rally behind the leftist flavor of the month they need to make sure they have all of the facts about the world in which these figures live and operate. Hugo Chavez' Bolivarian revolution is complicit in the drug trade and in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of civilians - it's that simple. Chavez is not the polar opposite of George Bush, he's the polar opposite of human decency and democracy - he shouldn't factor into the conservative/liberal debate.

For his irresponsible comments and anti-American values, not only should Sean Penn have his citizenship revoked, he deserves for his movie to tank.

I Said it First - Gays are the New Blacks

Well, I asked it. Nonetheless, it seems that yours truly is on the same wavelength as the folks at The Advocate, whose current issue explores the emergence of gays as that "other" group in our society whose rights are not God-given but rather the subject of popular debate.

Remember when I was ahead of the curve and called our fabulous President-elect but then Dem-candidate the Antichrist? Then five months later the McCain camp released an ad implying the same thing?

Forgive me the self-congratulatory post...

Who Knew the Gays Wanted to be on eHarmony?

Just when you thought Bravo TV and America's Next Top Model were endearing the gays to America, someone had to get stupid and file a lawsuit against eHarmony on the grounds that the site "discriminates" against gays and lesbians by not having a same-sex dating portal. Ever hear of Manhunt, Gay.com?

Doesn't eHarmony have the right to set up straight people with other straight people?

Now the gays are all over the place - we're going after churches who won't let us marry and dating sites that won't let us look for sex on the web. Remember, Proposition 8 is hateful legislation and it needs to be fought - so let's focus our rancor on legislative bigotry and not target the right to assembly. It'd be one thing if eHarmony was firing its gay employees solely on the basis of sexual orientation, but it's a private business and it has the right to decide who to offer its services to.

And speaking of Prop 8, the battleground is not in front of churches and war tactics should not include harassing worshippers - that only gives conservative Christians more ammunition for their "Godless, lawless gays" argument.

I'm surprised the Mormons haven't set up camp outside bars, restaurants and community centers in Chelsea or West Hollywood because that's exactly what we deserve to have happen to us.

Kudos to HRC for a smart, targeted program that aims to educate Americans on the real "gay agenda." Today's e-mail blast lays out their program to engage the public in areas that matter: at home, at church and in local government:



Thank God someone is thinking with their head.

A Day Without Gays?

One more post from what is really a riveting training on online engagement - we're actually encouraged to be on Facebook during the session! Anyway, the gays are planning a strike and this poses a connundrum for GCL. I work for a way gay-friendly agency so I don't like the idea of depriving my employer of my brilliant ideas for a day - it's not like I work for the Mormon Chuch, after all. But it's all about community, right? So what to do? I'm going to run this past my fellow gays to see if it's worth it...James and I could use a day off but seriously, if a strike ensues, there needs to be some activity around it. A day off to watch Golden Girls is kind of disgusting when we're supposed to be fighting for our rights.

Event Info Host: David Craig
Type: Causes - Protest
Network: Global
Time and Place Start Time: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 at 12:00am
End Time: Thursday, December 11, 2008 at 12:00am
Location: Across the United States
Street: Main Street

DescriptionWe are calling for a nationwide strike and economic boycott by all members of our Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered community AND OUR STRAIGHT ALLIES on December 10th, 2008, International Human Rights Day.

WHY SHOULD WE DO IT?

Because LGBT workers, business owners, consumers and taxpayers contribute over $700 billion to the U.S. economy each year and should not be treated as second class citizens. See www.witeckcombs.com/news/releases/20080602_buyingpower.pdf

Because general strikes and economic boycotts are a powerful weapon in the history of non-violent protests. See http://www.pbs.org/now/society/boycott.html. For many of those protesters, their actions came at a cost, but they understood that we must be willing to make sacrifices to fight for equal rights, including the right to marry.

Because Civil Unions are only legal in the state that offers them. Civil Unions don't include the 1100 marriage rights and benefits provided by the Federal Government. Separate but not equal is discrimination.

Because every couple in America has to get a marriage certificate from their state, whereas religious ceremonies are optional. No church or religious institution has or ever will be forced to marry anyone.

Because marriage should be a Right for all Americans, regardless of gender, race OR religion.

Because until ALL are equal, NONE are equal.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

Strike: call in gay, shut down your business, take the day off.

Boycott: don't buy anything or spend money.

Participate: visit www.daywithoutagay.org for a list of volunteer and/or protest opportunities.

Communicate: we need everyone's support!

Our co-sponsors include:
JOINTHEIMPACT.COM
DAYWITHOUTAGAY.ORG
DAYWITHOUTAGAY.NET
GAYS ON STRIKE (on Facebook)

WHY THE NAME "A DAY WITHOUT GAYS"? The name was inspired by the film A DAY WITHOUT A MEXICAN and the nationwide strike in 2006 called A DAY WITHOUT IMMIGRANTS, protesting proposed immigration laws.

Anyone interested it the facts regarding Proposition 8 should go to: http://www.noonprop8.com/about/fact-vs-fiction

If I Could Sing, I Wouldn't Spin

I'm in training right now to be a more strategic publicist - and props to my agency - it's been drilled into us that we're not in the business of spin. And even bigger props to our instructor who woke me up from my morning stupor by asking us to put our interaction with the press through a "Battle Hymn of the Republic" test. In other words, if you can hear the trumpets blaring, you're doing the media, and more importantly, your client, a disservice.

But really, this is just an excuse to link to Judy Garland's stirring rendition of "Battle Hymn of the Republic."

The W Effect and Madam Secretary of State

If I've learned one thing over the past two years of watching the Presidential campaign it's that I don't have the energy for politics. How Hillary Clinton has managed to not slap a b*** or grab Barack Obama by the ears while screaming "it's mine, mine, mine! dammit it's mine" is beyond me. Homegirl is like the nice lady at the supermarket who lets everyone cut in front of her because they just have a bag of Skittles or a canteloupe. And you know where nice gets you? Behind Sarah-Africa-is-a-country-right?-Palin.

Or so you would think.

President-elect Obama is now dangling the prospect of a cabinet position to Hillary -Secretary of State, yo. Holla! But the same forces who are in talks with Hillary are also leaking information to the press with the explicit purpose of inciting riot around Bill Clinton's dealings with foreign governments. The Obama camp is deliberately casting a W-effect over the Clintons by suggesting to the press that Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and China are part of the never-ending list of Bill Clinton's bedfellows.

My friends, the campaign is over. There is no reason for Barack and Hillary to pretend they like each other - as a wise friend once said, "spare me the faux." Hillary should check out and come back to New York and focus on being a Senator. An airport-security type of Senator, you know, the "g'ahead" type that plays on her cellphone while dynamite and alarm clocks go through the conveyor belt. If asked to vote on an issue, she should just hold up a sign that reads "Fine, whatever. I have a coffee break in 15 minutes."

After all, look what blind ambition and faith in the American electorate got Hillary: 18 million cheap shots at her and now her husband's philanthropic efforts.

The Obama camp is not on Hillary's side as we can see by the qualified support they've drummed for her appointment.

It's not worth it, girl.

Studio Make-Over

I told you I was gonna do it. Below are pix from our studio renovation which took two months to happen. You wouldn't know that painting and redecorating 400 square feet of space could take so long, but it does. And I'd do it all over again.

The goal: Turn our studio into a plush refuge that reflects James' sensibility and my penchant for flash. The big issue for us was controling the light in the space, which for a while came from a corner lamp and the whim of our solar system. We installed track lighting in July and from there set out to redo the entire space.

My inspiration: Gilded fantasy. Back in the days when I used to paint in high school my work always had deep blues, a touch of gold and lots of swirls. Without knowing it, I reverted to those same themes with this project. With gold and champagne accents throughout, my rug and coffee table both have my "signature" swirls and our walls "pop" with one of my favorite colors: turquoise blue.


So who did what? James installed our shelving, our curtain rods and ensured the functionality of other vital home accoutrements - specifically our internet access -as I plowed through walls and kicked cables out of the way to turn this place into Gianni Versace's rendering of Versailles. I picked out the couch, our rug and our wall colors while keeping the sturdy, earthy and James-y pieces that my beloved owned before we met.

One could say this design project is an exercise in sustainability as the only thing we tossed during the renovation was the couch. Everything else was kept and repurposed, including our first coffee table, which James carefully retiled about two years ago.

Stay tuned for an invite to the champagne unveiling.

***

Before:





After:
















Couch, Rug: Safavieh
Glass Coffee Table: Housing Works
Glass Armoire, Tiled Coffee Table, Leather Chair: ABC Carpet & Home
Floor Lamp: West Elm
Wall Colors: Ralph Lauren (Blues), Behr (Gold Trim)

First Come the Gays

Our heads are on the chopping block.

As conservatives struggle for a point of view and a rallying cry for their disheartened soldiers of "faith," hate and isolationism, an easy target has emerged for this group's ire: the gays.

Sure, there's still abortion to worry about and Christmas is right around the corner, so some troops will have to be sent to guard nativity scenes at government buildings, all in an effort to keep Christ in the celebration of a pagan holiday. But social conservatives are an industrious bunch, and where John McCain would fail as a multi-tasker, the "silent majority" is ready to work tirelessly to thwart any sort of social progress.

My friends, I'm scared. Here in my ivory tower overlooking seventh avenue I can see the pitch forks and torches coming towards Chelsea. Crowds on both sides of the debate need to be appeased.

But I'm not sure if protesting in front of the Mormon Church is going to change this. On the one hand, it's horrible that a tax-exempt entity is blatantly funding a partisan agenda that is taking away citizens' rights. But in the end, Proposition 8 was put forth before the people of California to vote on and the people made their choice. How would the Dems feel if a bunch of Republicans started protesting in front of the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta when Obama was elected?

If the Mormom Church poured money into Prop 8 so too did the left to preserve marriage for all citizens. Funding is not the problem. The problem is that gays are still the "others" and our access to rights, to all the benefits of citizenship, is still a matter of debate. Again, 50 years we were invisible and the "other" group was African Americans. With growth comes pain and right now we're feeling those pangs of evolution - and while I support vocal condemnation of a social scheme that questions the rights of particular groups, I do not think the church is the place to launch an offensive.

The gays should do what we do best: kill the haters with charm. I'm thinking billboards, acts of civility and community building. Instead of protesting, let's spruce up our city schools, let's create the communities we want to live in and lead by example. That doesn't mean we're going soft, it means we're rising above the fray to effect the change we all want to see.

The truth of the matter is that we're not wanted right now, so we have to lay claim to our place in society. What that steak in the ground looks like is entirely up to us.

This Makes Me Smile

Stupid James and the first gift he ever gave me - a stuffed panda whom we named Fernando. We've had 'Nando for 4 years without incident, thus making us excellent parent material.

Are Gays the New Blacks?

Until the U.S. elects an openly gay man or a lesbian to the Presidency, I wonder: are gays and lesbians the new blacks?

With a black man on his way to the White House it seems the baton of victimization is being passed on to the gays. Case in point: the overwhelming support by black residents of California in support of Proposition 8.

It's been said before that today's civil rights movement is lead by gay men and women who are fighting for their right to be married, and are demanding the same respect and protection from their government as their heterosexual counterparts.

While our society has evolved so that you won't see gay men and women hosed on the streets for protesting in front of hate-mongering churches who don't have to pay taxes and therefore have money to spare to mettle in their neighbors' lives, today's political maneuvering is even more astute and more viscious as bigotry is metted out with a smile.

There's a great opinion-piece in the LA Times that delves into the disconnect between the needs of black voters and the gay community - basically, equality doesn't mean the same thing for everyone and us gays haven't been smart about the needs and sensitivities of the communities whose support we need for the protection of our rights. Writer Jasmyne A. Cannick, who is an African-American lesbian, breaks it down:

"White gays often wonder aloud why blacks, of all people, won't support their civil rights. There is a real misunderstanding by the white gay community about the term. Proponents of gay marriage fling it around as if it is a one-size-fits-all catchphrase for issues of fairness.

But the black civil rights movement was essentially born out of and driven by the black church; social justice and religion are inextricably intertwined in the black community. To many blacks, civil rights are grounded in Christianity -- not something separate and apart from religion but synonymous with it. To the extent that the issue of gay marriage seemed to be pitted against the church, it was going to be a losing battle in my community."

[...]

There's nothing a white gay person can tell me when it comes to how I as a black lesbian should talk to my community about this issue. If and when I choose to, I know how to say what needs to be said. Many black gays just haven't been convinced that this movement for marriage is about anything more than the white gays who fund it (and who, we often find, are just as racist and clueless when it comes to blacks as they claim blacks are homophobic)."

***
I guess it would be tacky for gays to walk around black neighborhoods in California saying "I voted for Obama, hit me back." At the same time, I'd like to point out that the same religious values that the black community is holding on to are the same values that have been used to justify slavery and Jim Crow, but I get it, I chose to be a fruitcake, blacks didn't get to choose their race. Still, this makes no sense to me.

Proposition 8: And You Gays Thought Cali Was the Sh**

Suckers. Proposition 8, the hate-monger legislation that's on the ballot in California to decide the fate of Ellen DeGeneres' marriage, is poised to put an end to same-sex marriage in the state. Fine, the people have spoken and we get it: Californians are a biggoted lot.

When it comes to gay marriage my stance is this: once we settle the mess in Iraq, squash Al Qaeda (for those that may have forgotten about AQ they came out right after NKOTB and just before NSync hit it big), fix the economy and secure healthcare for all Americans then we can start worrying about preserving "traditional" marriage. Not to copy David Letterman's ill-fated Uma-Oprah bit at the Oscars, but really this is a matter of Al Qaeda - Gay Marriage, Al Qaeda - Gay Marriage...hmm, which should America worry about more?

What's struck me most about the Proposition 8 debate is the money that's been raised to support this bill - nearly $38 MILLION! Don't you love conservative thinking?Whereas their pick-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps ethics decry welfare and financial support for "entitlement" programs, private, biggoted citizens have NO problem forking over an average of $818 to disrupt the lives of their fellow tax-paying neighbors.

And that scares me.

In Arkansas, the state's electorate has voted to ban adoption by unmarried couples, a move hailed by social conservatives as blunting the gay agenda. I must not have gotten the memo on that because my agenda doesn't include children (it does include obtaining an Hermes collier de chien, these fab Dolce & Gabbana shoes and securing the position that will let me afford these items)but whatever, I've never been hip to what the majority of gays are doing.

The rest of the country, however, is. That means I have to step my vigilante game up, that means I have to arm myself with knowledge on how our system works so I can slap a redneck or some fundamentalist Christian with some facts. I'm sick of being America's issue, but if that's the game I'm forced to play, then I'm absolutely in to win. Of course you know this means war.

Barack Obama Elected President of the U.S.

The car horns are honking, my neighbors are cheering, windows have been thrust open over Seventh Avenue here in Chelsea and the helicopters are buzzing overheard. We're celebrating the election of Barack Obama to the Presidency of the United States.

We're celebrating the will of the people. We're celebrating the re-claiming of America from the tired rhetoric of hate and division. This is democracy, this is possibility, this is the America we all want to believe in.

Today's the Day

Our national nightmare is almost over. Eight years of the Bush-Cheney administration, an ordeal that saw two of the most loathsome figures in our political system impact rise to power, is coming to an end. Eight years of peddling hate, lies and mobilizing fringe elements of our society under the banner of "family values" has not only reduced our country's influence and prestige in the world, it's also robbed many Americans of their belief in the great things that this country can do. If George W. Bush can be President, I wonder, what's the point of being an American?

And so the past two years for those of us who are a watching this spectacle called politics a little more closely than the average American have been intense. As a right-of-center Democrat, I've had my ups and downs with today's candidate. I've gone from being on the brink of tears at his speech at the 2004 Democratic convention and throwing my support behind his candidacy based on his stance on Iraq, but then supported Hillary when I realized that she was the victim of a treacherous assault by the Democrats. I was offended by the Democrats after they sold me Bill Clinton back in 1992 as some sort of God-send only to ditch his brilliant and thoroughly capable wife in favor of a more fresh and thoroughly untested candidate. I saw Obama as a line-cutter, I didn't think it was his turn to lead, and so I supported Hillary.

That was until June of this year when it became clear that Obama was the Democrats' choice. And then I panicked. I threatened to vote Republican and cursed the Democrats for throwing away the election. Barack HUSSEIN Obama? I couldn't believe it. Not only were the Democrats traitors, I thought, but they were also stupid and deserved to lose. Secretly, I resolved to just not vote at all.

But then in the past few months Obama has revealed himself as the kind of person I do want in the White House. While the McCain camp flung high school cafeteria insults at him Barack just went about staging a spectacular convention in Denver (which followed a spectacular world tour that was marked by record crowds in cities across Europe and the Middle East). We finally have a Statesman running for office and it's a beautiful thing.

I also admire the fact that Obama doesn't trade in fear tactics. He's not trying to scare Americans about their gay neighbors or the French, all he has to do is point his finger backward to eight years of Bush-Cheney or direct the public's attention to the possibility of Sarah Palin running the country. Or at the unraveling of John McCain, who was once a visionary leader and then forgot the most important element of being a successful leader: be yourself. By turning himself into a consort of the wack right wing, espousing rhetoric and issues that shouldn't matter in an election to the highest office in the world, John McCain became a puppet for a dying institution.

So I'm off to the polls now and I'm voting for Obama. Yes, I've taken cheap shots at him over the course of the campaign and I've even tried to rattle some cages by supporting John McCain. But I want you to know that I wholeheartedly support the Democratic candidate, that while I questioned the procedure and thinking that landed him in this privileged position I do not question Obama's character or his ability to lead.

Finally, as a person of color, I have to say this: I have never been more proud of my country.

Team McCain for the Undecided: A Chart!

People in communications love a good chart. Spare the thinking, just tell your boss what they need (want) to see in a chart that shows deadlines, or, in a competitive mash-up, how your brand trounces the competition.

Knowing the pain of producing charts to explain why communications programs do and don't work, I honestly feel for the the poor folks on Team McCain. Right now these guys are probably scrambling to explain to their boss why the words maverick, terrorist and hockey mom - words that were surely the product of painful brainstorming sessions where tons of options for "how can we kill Obama with one word" were scrawled on to dry-erase boards and circled emphatically based on the group's consensus - haven't resonated with voters.

So it's back to the dry-erase boards for these maverick minds and now, under the hum of fluorescent lighting, with the dull crunch of industrial carpet at their feet and minds hopped up on Red Bull and bad coffee, the work of turning a losing campaign around with less than 72 hours begins. In a moment of clarity or desperation - depending on where your loyalties lie - someone jumps from their chair, spilling bad coffee across the table - and says "I got it! Let's put together a chart that shows how much Obama sucks!"

Someone probably rushes to the dry-erase board to write OBAMA SUX, then circle it emphatically, and off an intern goes to come up with the following:



To whoever came up with this ridiculous chart that looks like a seventh grader's homework on "Current Events," all I can say is "girl, I feel you." I've been there - cursing, muttering, pulling my hair out and thinking "I don't know why your product sucks and why people won't buy it but it's midnight on Friday and I'd like to go home!" The result of this panicked thinking is usually something that's as uninformed, desperate and ridiculous as this chart that has been mailed around to those of us who subscribe to Team McCain's e-mail feeds.

And while the person assigned with this masterful work of mediocrity (which could have been redeemed had they inserted a column marked Terrorist, under which it would say McCain - NO, Obama - Not Sure) shuffled over to their desk to figure out how to use PowerPoint, I can imagine the team de-brief taking place under the aforementioned fluorescent lights:

"OK, who's feeding media the story about Obama's illegal alient aunt? Let's kill the Bill Ayers push - do we know whose side GayConservativeLiberal is finally on?"

It sucks to be on a sinking ship. Fortunately for McCain's staffers, the bow is about to break.

Heads Up, James: I Like the Finer Things

Ol' penny pinch - I mean, James - is loving the news of our country's economic meltdown. Why? Because he loves being right. And because all of his chats with me about how I should save more and stop perusing Orbitz.com for our next vacation destination and check out my 401K statement are, he hopes, finally sinking in.

Except they're not. I still want to go to Tokyo next summer to visit my cousin and I want to buy these Gucci loafers. So poor James has to be patient, kind, and explain to me, very slowly, why it wouldn't be wise right now to start liquidating my savings on shoes, jeans and trips. He's even trying to use our recent redecorating project as an excuse for - and I really, really hate this term - cutting back.

I can think of a few things I can start cutting back on as well, and so a lengthy negotiation begins and in the end, nothing is resolved. What's one less pair of Diesel jeans or an entire summer or winter spent in New York? Poor James doesn't want to find out.

Granted, something about the impending collapse of our country's financial institutions has the macho in me saying "hell no the damn economy don't affect me. WATCH me buy this bottle of Veuve and go buckwild on Bluefly.com. Sh*****t." Instead of stocking up on water and canned tuna, or whatever one needs to survive the collapse of civilization, I'm wondering if bow ties really are the hot item for men's wear this winter. (On the one hand, yay for the preppy look, but on the other, do I really want to look like a nattering personal assistant?)

But I digress...

According to New York magazine, conversations about fiscal prudence are taking place all across tony enclaves in the city. And these conversations aren't focused so much on what the upwardly mobile won't be buying, but on what they can and can't lay claim to anymore. "I used to work at [insert name of once-pre-eminent-financial-institution-here]" is kinda like saying "I used to be Vanilla Ice."

With that realization comes an unwanted reworking of plans and priorities - as one couple profiled for the New York piece said, it's smarter to pay the mortgae than to remodel the kitchen.

Sadly for James we rent and I barely cook. And I'm a size 11...

Barack is Not a Terrorist...He's a Gentleman

After watching the thirty-minute schlock fest that was Barack Obama's, sigh, historic multi-million-dollar ad buy last night I realized that I wouldn't mind having him give a State of the Union address. Brace yourselves: I actually like Barack.

It's been fascinating to watch the McCain campaign unravel. The nastiness of their tactics, which I commended for their representation of brass-knuckle politics, has been trumped by Barack's tempered, gentlemanly maneuvering. John McCain's team put out some fun YouTube videos comparing Barack to Paris Hilton and spent the rest of their money on making Sarah Palin look less like a redneck woman (her words, not mine). Barack laughed all the way to a primetime TV spot on all the major networks.

And I love it. Let's just hope the rest of America does, too, and votes accordingly next Tuesday.

I Wish My Mom Would Come Out of the Closet

When she's not cheering on her new girl crush Rachel Maddow, or slapping her knee and "yeah"-ing to Bill Maher, or ending her 13 hour workday with Chris Matthews, my mom is doing one of three things: calling yours truly to talk about any of the aforementioned TV personalities and trying to make weekend plans with James and me; yelling at my politically unmotivated brother and father; or silently nodding at Kingdom Hall (that's what Jehovah's Witnesses call church) where neither her left-of-center leanings matter and no one gives a hoot about her gay son.

In short, my mom lives in the closet and in the turmoil that such a limited spiritual framework imposes on the soul. On the one hand she's adamant about her faith that the political mechanisms of this world are useless and that God is going to met out justice soon enough (and in the process "fix" her gay son and his partner whom she adores as one of her own); on the other, she HATES the Republicans, "esa Sarah Palin es un demonio" ("That Sarah Palin is a demon") she's wont to say, or, "I can't watch the Fox News Channel because I feel attacked whenever I tune in. They don't like blacks, latinos or gays."

And neither does she. Sometimes.

On her good days - of which there have been many, many more following a near heart attack and stroke (at 53!)that have forced her to take a more measured approach to challenges, whether political or spiritual - my mom can eviscerate the GOP machine, inquire about my gay friends and tell me when my outfits work, don't work and when I should put the cheesecake down. "Those are not Calvin Klein abs," she'll say and thus puts a stop to the conveyor belt of champagne and desserts heading toward my gullet.

But on her bad days, which usually follow big JW gatherings such as district conventions (where tens of thousands of faithful gather for a weekend of speeches on faith), my mom calls me in sobs and says "I wish you were here."

Though my gut instinct is to say, "yeah mami, the cute waiter you have a crush on at Elmo wishes you were here, too," I've learned to either not pick up the phone on those convention weekends or simply say "oh mom, don't worry, I'll go with you soon enough."

And that's the sort of "what elephant in the room? Yo no veo un elephant" relationship that my mother and I have. My best friend lives on the down low, toiling away in Brooklyn during the week and then driving in a panic to Chelsea on the weekends. Mimosas at Le Singe Vert, shopping at Loehmann's, Funny Girl in my newly decorated blue-and-gold apartment -- my weekends belong to my mom and it's here in the pink-lined streets of Chelsea where she, and other gay misfits, have found their own little slice of the Big Apple that accepts her, loves her and doesn't attack her. Unless her shoes and purse don't match in which case I'm the first one to ask "are you sure you're my mother?"

Those of us in the know understand that the coming out process is long, painful and full of challenges. But I'm committed to my mom and I'm certain that soon enough I'll be forced to cheer her on the sidelines as she leads the PFLAG float in the next Gay Pride Parade.

Sorry I Haven't Posted...

...it's been FOREVER. And the sky is falling isn't it? While America readies itself to elect a new leader I'm sorting client invoices, thinking (or not thinking, depends on who you ask)about "that big idea," and trying to finish my home redecoration. I'm just one person, yo!

But I've got a couple of salty, provocative posts in the works. The next 8 days are going to be off the hook, I promise.

Republicans Laughing at Themselves

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama yesterday on "Meet the Press." It's not a black thing, it's a too-many dead soldiers and civilians in Iraq thing. Of course, no one talks that way in Washington, so the former Secretary claimed to arrive at the decision after months of careful thought and expressed "regret" for disappointing McCain. Powell also stood by his role in the campaign leading up to the invasion of Iraq in 2003 though he also expressed "regret" for the faulty intelligence that sparked the war. This, my friends, is how you stick it to your former boss in Washington. In monotone, on national television, with the same outward enthusiasm with which you order your Sunday brunch. I love it.

Just hours before Powell's statement, Sarah Palin was throwin' her hands up on Saturday Night Live while Amy Poehler rapped about Bill Ayers. Oh those crazy Republicans, with nothing left to lose before November 4 they're going to be EVERYWHERE, wagging their finger and winking at you, "are you sure you want to vote for that crazy terrorist?"

God bless em, there reward is in heaven isn't it?

Senator Obama, I am Not President Bush

Well then. The only thing that could have made tonight's final Presidential debate any more exciting would have been an announcement from the candidates that there was Kettle One in the glass tumblers. That and some good ol' chicken wing eatin' and bone tossin' between policy talk. But that didn't happen. Instead, the candidates came as close to being real as they ever have been during the campaign. The exchange was viscious and the desperation was unrestrained. This is politics and the future of the Empire is at stake. No time for nice.

John McCain, in his incessant blinking, is surely being patted on the head by his campaign leaders right now for uttering, just like they had rehearsed, "I am NOT President Bush. I can pronounce nuclear, thank you, Senator Osama." Barack Obama, having also rehearsed before the debate, just laughed.

Here's what we(I)heard:
- McCain: My friends, now is not the time to get tough on big business. We have to give them tax credits, the way the Irish do, and why the hell won't Obama come clean about blowing up buildings with Bill Ayers?

- Obama: Ha ha ha. My healthcare plan will make it easier for your employer to provide you with healthcare, and if that's not an option for you, you can buy into the same federal program folks like John McCain and I enjoy.

- McCain: Stop calling me a racist, you terrorist! I love precious special needs children.

- Obama: Special needs children need funding. The same kind of funding you're not down with.

- McCain: Why would you let a baby die? You would yank a live fetus from a woman's womb you monster.

- Obama: Did you just say you can balance the budget in four years? And who the hell is Joe the Plumber? Is he the same guy as Joe Six Pack?

- McCain: Isn't Sarah Palin somethin? I can't even tell you how proud I am of her.

- Obama: How many brothers out there know just what I'm gettin' at
Who thinks it's wrong 'cos I'm splittin' and co-hittin' that
Well if you do, that's OPP and you're not down with it
But if you don't, here's your membership

- McCain: And speaking of public schools we sent the Indian one to the same private schools as our real children.

- Obama: (Laughs) You really think I'm a terrorist who gave $800,000 to Acorn don't you?

- McCain: Isn't it funny how our wives are wearing red and blue tonight? Why do you support the drug trade in Colombia?

- Obama: We have to start making fuel-efficient cars here in the U.S.

***
CNN places Obama in the lead as of now, stating the McCain has a lot of work ahead of him to win swing states like Florida, Pennsylvania and North Carolina. That's really all the commentary I need from them but somehow they have 20 pundits sitting in front of CNN-branded laptops talking about their e-mail correspondence with both candidates' camps. Yawn.