Saturday, September 01, 2007

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Larry Craig announced that he would resign on September 30th -- W is supporting him, and with that, Craig gets to collect a paycheck for another month in spite of having broken the law. Another drawn-out departure by a criminal Republican.

Not that that's outraged anyone 'round these parts -- all the gays are at the Barney's Warehouse Sale.

Craig's misdeeds, as we all know by now, aren't uncommon among men in the closet. What y'all probably didn't know, however, is that the gays were in the Republican Party's woodwork long before they even thought to build themselves a log cabin.

This summer I've been reading TR: The Last Romantic and I'm telling you now, TR was as gay as a $500 (on sale) Marc Jacobs poncho.

TR's latent homosexuality hit a fever pitch when he got to Harvard. In fact, his letters home during his school days speak to an impossible case of blue balls as well as the self-loathing that comes with a life lived in the closet. We also get a glimpse into a budding gay whore:

Tom Nickerson started our table. He is quite handsome with a truly remarkable mustache. At first he gives one the impression of being effeminate, but is not a bit so in reality, being one of our best football players. (p.61)

Bob Bacon is the handsomest man in the class and is as pleasant as he is handsome. (p.61)

All I'm saying is that TR would have LIVED in the 70's, girl.

But before TR cast eyes on Tom Nickerson and Robert Bacon, Abraham Lincoln was sharing a bed with a storekeeper in New Salem, Illionois.

Fast-forward to the present, past Ray Cohn, Tom Foley and Ted Haggard, and you've got a party that's more festive (and effeminate) than the dudes at the Rawhide. Except for Mary Cheney, who's like, way more of a man than I'll ever want to be.

My advice to the shamed again Republicans: Give up the act, girls. You're not fooling anyone. Anti-gay legislation is closet case behavior -- let's see if you're man enough to give everyone the rights they deserve without feeling the slightest bit threatened.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

BRAVO GCL! This is by far one of the best written and thought out posts to date. Before everyone reads this and starts the tiresome Republican vs. Democrat debate, the main takeaway here (as I see it)is that the most dangerous enemy we have in government is not the Christian right or the conservative Republicans...It is the closeted and tortured gay men who impose their self-hatred on the gay population as-a-whole by denying them basic human rights and living LIE after LIE after LIE. Remember Hitler?

Anonymous said...

The best written post and thought out post?

You are both idiots. This is not writing. It's purely a stream-of-conscience display of idiocy.

BTW- you will find that in TR's time, men often referred to other men as handsome. It was a compliment that alluded to the character of a man.

Idiots, both of you.

Anonymous said...

Read the book "anonymous." This was just an example of an issue that is probed in more detail in the book. There's also a bigger point here which you chose not to address. I guess calling people idiots under an anonymous name is your best contribution.

Gay Conservative Liberal said...

Maybe I do need to step up my writing game -- there was supposed to be an element of humor to this post.

So, for my dear readers who hang on to my every last word as if it were gospel, let me explain myself:

Republicans need to stop acting as if it's them versus the demagogue queers. If they focused their scheming on thwarting other groups (Al Qaeda?) they'd find that gays just want the same rights their straight neighbors have.

And the real issue here isn't even gay marriage -- it's the demonization of a group.

Republicans and Democrats, in an effort to cover up their abysmal handling of national security, have drummed up the pink menace to divert people's attention.

Do Americans really care if Bob and Tom want to marry? No.

But our political system has gone about purposefully singling out a certain group to perpetuate the most unseemly traditions in the American experience:

-- negation of rights (we did it to the native americans, the japanese, the blacks, "illegal" immigrants)

-- public demonization (McCarthy era)

What say you to that, Anonymous?

Unknown said...

Senator Craig gave himself some wiggle room, "... it is my intent to resign from the Senate, effective Sept. 30."

Today AP reported he might be wiggling.

Fascinating.