Thursday, November 06, 2008

Proposition 8: And You Gays Thought Cali Was the Sh**

Suckers. Proposition 8, the hate-monger legislation that's on the ballot in California to decide the fate of Ellen DeGeneres' marriage, is poised to put an end to same-sex marriage in the state. Fine, the people have spoken and we get it: Californians are a biggoted lot.

When it comes to gay marriage my stance is this: once we settle the mess in Iraq, squash Al Qaeda (for those that may have forgotten about AQ they came out right after NKOTB and just before NSync hit it big), fix the economy and secure healthcare for all Americans then we can start worrying about preserving "traditional" marriage. Not to copy David Letterman's ill-fated Uma-Oprah bit at the Oscars, but really this is a matter of Al Qaeda - Gay Marriage, Al Qaeda - Gay Marriage...hmm, which should America worry about more?

What's struck me most about the Proposition 8 debate is the money that's been raised to support this bill - nearly $38 MILLION! Don't you love conservative thinking?Whereas their pick-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps ethics decry welfare and financial support for "entitlement" programs, private, biggoted citizens have NO problem forking over an average of $818 to disrupt the lives of their fellow tax-paying neighbors.

And that scares me.

In Arkansas, the state's electorate has voted to ban adoption by unmarried couples, a move hailed by social conservatives as blunting the gay agenda. I must not have gotten the memo on that because my agenda doesn't include children (it does include obtaining an Hermes collier de chien, these fab Dolce & Gabbana shoes and securing the position that will let me afford these items)but whatever, I've never been hip to what the majority of gays are doing.

The rest of the country, however, is. That means I have to step my vigilante game up, that means I have to arm myself with knowledge on how our system works so I can slap a redneck or some fundamentalist Christian with some facts. I'm sick of being America's issue, but if that's the game I'm forced to play, then I'm absolutely in to win. Of course you know this means war.

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