Thursday, July 13, 2006

Because it's bound to happen

My boyfriend and I have a pretty significant age difference (he's 40 and I'm 25) and even though he's handsome and smart and bla bla bla I do worry about what's going to happen when we both get old. Granted, I could probably die before him given the frightening state of the world (and the fact that so many latent jihadis have taken to tagging me a bigot and are probably out for my blood as we speak), but my point is that the thought of either of us winding up alone, or worse, together and without our friends, is something that we talk about every now and again.

Well, we needn't fear anymore.

Check out this article in USA Today about new communities for gay seniors, one of which has popped up in Santa Fe. The story profiles a darling couple in their 70s who "feared ending up like a lot of older gay men they know — no children, partners dead or gone, families estranged, little to do but sit in their New York City apartments hoping the phone rings."

Living in Chelsea, where I have to plan an outfit just to buy a carton of milk (you should SEE the judgment cast on you by the nobodies sitting at Cafeteria when you're just trying to go about your business) it's hard to think about your life forty years from now -- it's a very here-and-now existence, it's all about the surface, and it's expected that older, uglier queers will one day leave the settlement and let the wolves eat them. Or move to the Upper West Side.

But seeing as I'm not a fan of the UWS, I'm elated to know that not only is there a place for James and I to go when we're old, but it's a place where I will be able to live my permatan dream of hot pool boys and cosmos. And just think, in forty years, with a good plastic surgeon and the help of some over the counter pick-me-ups, those pool boys might be in for a little more than they bargained for ;-)


GRT said...


Save this 40 years you'll roll your eyes at yourself.

Most of it just gets better.

David E. Patton said...

I'm 53 and life just get better as you get older. You have a lots to look forward to. While I ammit that the boys seem to be getting younger, I leave to to their own age group. I am so happy that thing for gays are not as uptight as it was when I was in my 20s, and I want to think all you young guys for standing up for you God given rights. While I'm out and have been for many years now, I still write for thouse who feel that they can not come out for this or that reason.

Red Tulips said...

Hey, I have gotten death threats for six months now, because I am opinionated and stick by my beliefs. Keep at what you are doing, you are making a difference. (I hope!)

Anyway, as far as the gay retirement village...I think it would be so cool to retire to Spain. Gay marriage is legal there, and you can live in a Spainish villa with your boyfriend/would be husband and sip red Spanish wines, watch sunsets, and look at all those hot Spanish men. Mmm...makes me want to go there right now, dammit!!

James said...

Reading this made me run into the bathroom to put on some moisturizer! Anyway, in spite of our age difference, 40 is not that old and in my short time on this earth, I've already seen incredible forward movement since I was a kid. The big difference is people are TALKING: gay bashing gets front page treatment, US Presidents are saying the "A" words (even Ronald Reagan learned it), and openly gay people are found in all sorts of high places. True, we have a way to go but for every couple of steps back, we take 3 or 4 forward. Message to the Conservative Right - keep on talking about how much the gay lifestyle is against what we stand for as a country - you couldn't do anything better to advance our cause.

Oh.....and for those of you reading...I don't look 40 at all. I'm a mature 28:-)

Andrew said...

"you should SEE the judgment cast on you by the nobodies sitting at Cafeteria when you're just trying to go about your business."

Dude, that's the effect of an H&M / Zara combo. Lay off it :-)

Berdo said...
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Berdo said...
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Berdo said...

I love gay life in New York - but here and there - and maybe a bit more than that - there's a guy, who's sucking in his cheeks to develop an imiitation high cheek bone, wearing sunglasses in a dark bar, with a pissed off look on his face, ready to make some textbook bitchy remark, suck up (no pun intended) to the two hottest guys at the bar and to be as digusting as possible to everyone else. I don't hate them, because I keep this in mind. Behind the dark sunglasses and underneath the penciled in facial features is the kid who got treated like shit for 18 years until he left for college - and maybe even for longer than that. And if acting like an asshole himself in the one venue he can feel superior helps his ego - it does denote a major deficiency of character but not a complete asshole - and certainly nobody I would attempt to impress by coiffing myself up to get milk at the bodega downstairs from my apt.

TonkaManOR said...

My how this will change once you get older. Hair products? Not in my bathroom. Cologne? Again not in my bathroom. Special oufits for shopping? Yeah, right I just throw on some jeans and a tee and call it good. Oh, today I turned 45yo, when I was 20 something I worried about all that. All that money wasted! You'll learn!


Jean Lafitte said...

Boy, does this one hit home. I met my partner when he was 42 and I was 19. (FYI, I took his class at UCLA.) It's 30 years on, he's 73 and I'll be 50 in three months. I can only say that I think it's very good that you're thinking through the issue of aging, which is after all the issue of commitment. Having worked that out in my mind helped greatly when I have had to nurse him through some medical crises, and again when he had to help me through a few of my own. (Non-HIV, thankyouverymuch.)

RainbowVision I know very well. We actually were about 90% committed to buying a unit about a year ago, even making design choices as construction neared. We had a lot of e-mail talk with Cisco Davis, our contact person. Her belief in the project is shown by her intent to move in herself with her partner. In the end, both our current financial situation and the remoteness of Santa Fe made us back out of the deal. (Though the capitol of New Mexico, Santa Fe's nearest major airport is over an hour's drive away.) They were completely honorable about it, if not happy, and refunded everything but the initial deposit.

I've followed RainbowVision closely in the media, and in the end I'm glad we didn't go through with it. It's not quite what we really are after, though I have no hesitation in recommending it for those whom it is just right. But if we do end up opting for a gay retirement type of living arrangement I'm sure we'll find something just right. Because this is a niche market that is going to grow and keep on growing. I have no doubt of that.